Will To Live
by dreamerwithapen
Summary: When Clara Drake met Bucky Barnes, she wasn't expecting him to change her life, but he did. It was like she was seeing the world in color for the first time, but when he died, the world around her faded back to black and white. (Full Summary Inside)
1. Chapter 1

**Full Summary:** **When Clara Drake met Bucky Barnes, she wasn't expecting him to change her life, but he did. It was like she was seeing the world in color for the first time, but when he died, the world around her faded back to black and white. And then Steve, the one person who truly understood her pain, made the ultimate sacrifice in order to save his home. For the next 67 years, the only thing that kept her going was Peggy, her best friend. But, with Peggy's health slowly declining, Clara is struggling to find the will to keep going. But one phone call will change everything.**

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel, all I own are my OCs**_

* * *

 **Prologue**

* * *

 **2012**

Dawn had always been Clara's favorite time of day. There was something about watching the sun slowly creep into view, bathing the sky with its golden rays, that had always settled something deep within her. It filled her with a sense of wonder and peace, no matter how often she saw it.

So on the days when she stared at the beautiful sunrise and felt nothing... when her insides continued to twist and squirm... when her fingers tapped uncontrollably against her knee...

That's when she knew that it was going to be a bad day. And unfortunately, she had bad days more often than not as the years dragged on. But, even for her, this was a bad spell. She had been in London for almost two weeks now, but she had spent the last eight days in complete isolation. She would have stayed holed up in her hotel room today too if it wasn't for Peggy.

The British woman had an uncanny way of knowing when Clara was at her worst and in need of either an encouraging, sympathetic speech or a strong kick in the rear. Last night, Peggy had called and delivered the latter.

So now, here she was, sitting on the ledge of Tower Bridge, staring at the sun's reflection on the river, and wishing for nothing more than to feel something other than the agitation that had been slowly building inside of her for the past few days.

The sound of a phone ringing brought her out of her daze long enough for her to pull her cellphone out of her jacket pocket and hit 'decline' with slightly shaky fingers. She kept it out though, her hands automatically fidgeting with the small device, knowing that the caller wouldn't stop after one try.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, her screen lit up, and she didn't have to look at it to know who was calling.

She had woken up that morning with six missed calls from Agent Coulson and one voicemail imploring her to call him back immediately. Since she hadn't, Director Fury had taken to calling her. This was his third try, and she simply watched as her phone eventually stopped ringing. When no voicemail appeared, she stuffed it back into her pocket and swung her legs over the railing, already wishing for the day to be over.

Her feet barely brushed the pavement when her phone beeped. Sighing, she pulled it back out to see a text from Fury.

 _ **You're needed at HQ, now.**_

For the first time in days, curiosity stirred inside her. Fury wasn't normally this persistent with her. When she wanted to be left alone, he left her alone, knowing full well that if she didn't want to do something, she wasn't going to do it. So for him to reach out to her like this, it had to be important.

She dialed his number and lifted the phone to her ear, fingers tapping against the railing as she waited for him to pick up. Seconds later, his deep voice filled her ear.

"It's about damn time you called back," he said. The irritation in his voice was clear as day, and she rolled her eyes.

"What was so important that you had to bother me on my time off?" she asked.

"I think it would be better to tell you in person," he said. "Just get back here as quick as you can."

" _Wait_ ," she said sharply, stopping him from hanging up. "I am not flying back without a reason. Why do you need me there? What's going on?"

He sighed. "This isn't something that you're going to want to hear over the phone, Drake."

"Just tell me," she snapped, shoving away from the railing and starting to pace. Her gut was twisted so tight, to the point that she felt like she was going to faint. The worst case scenario was going through her mind, and her hands started shaking uncontrollably.

 _I just talked to her last night, and she sounded fine. But I was so wrapped up in myself... could I have missed something? A sign that she wasn't feeling well? Her condition isn't great, but it isn't_ that _bad. Is it? When was the last time I saw her?_

As her mind frantically searched for the answer, she was barely even aware of Fury talking to her.

 _It was just a few days before I left for England, and she was doing good. How could it have possibly have gone that downhill in just over a week? Oh God, no, no, no-_

"Clara!"

She flinched at his shout, and her free hand latched onto the railing with a death grip. She could feel the metal bending under her fingertips but couldn't bring herself to care, not when her whole world was falling apart all over again.

 _ **"Just breathe, Sunshine. Focus on my voice, let it ground you."**_

She inhaled sharply and squeezed her eyes shut, forcing away that voice and the memories that came with it. Now was not the time to go down that road.

"You listening to me, Drake?" Fury asked.

"Yes," she said shortly before she could lose her nerve.

She listened as Fury took a deep breath, and her stomach clenched. But the words that came out of his mouth were not the ones that she had been expecting, and the world came to a crashing halt around her.

"We found Steve Rogers, Clara... and he's alive."

* * *

 **I know I shouldn't have started another story, yet here I am anyway! I just couldn't help myself. Clara and her story have been on my mind for years, and I'm so happy to finally write it! As usual, my updates will be sporadic, so I apologize in advance for that. But I hope you enjoy this fic:)**

 **If you get a chance, check out my Tumblr: dreamerwithapen1**

 **Until next time!**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel (obviously), all I own are my OCs**_

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Control**

* * *

 **June 1943**

 _Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump..._

Clara's footsteps fell in a steady rhythm that filled her head, blocking out the sounds of the treadmill's light vibrations, the methodical beep of the machines next to her, and the sound of a pencil scribbling on a clipboard. And due to the monotony of the exercise, she felt her mind wander as usual.

She had been jogging at an even pace for about 30 minutes, yet she showed no signs of fatigue. Her breathing remained stable, her heart rate calm, and there was only a light sheen of sweat on her forehead; though, she knew that was mainly due to the warm temperature in the lab.

If she wanted to, she could run for a few hours before exhaustion set in, but she knew that that wasn't the purpose of this exercise, at least not anymore. They had already run that particular test a couple of years ago, wanting to get an idea of how long she could run before having to stop, but Dr. Erskine was no longer interested in that. She knew that the only reason he had done that test was purely out of scientific curiosity. That's what all of the tests had been about in the beginning.

However, once it became clear that Clara was struggling to control her own body, Dr. Erskine had quickly become more serious with all of the tests that he ran on her, but the results all said the same thing.

Her body simply had too much energy and was doing whatever it could to try and expel it. Unfortunately for her, that meant little to no sleep and constant jitteriness. The only thing that seemed to help calm her was exercise, but even then, it had to be fast paced and full force in order for her to feel a difference.

It had become somewhat of a routine for her to do a hard workout for about three hours before bed, then sleep for two, maybe three hours before her body replenished itself, and then she would be up for the day. But soon enough, Dr. Erskine caught on to what she was doing and became furious with her, saying that it was unhealthy, and that she should have come to him the second she started having problems.

From that point on, he made it his mission to find a way to ease her jitteriness, but no matter what he tried, nothing worked. Once he realized that there was no way to get rid of the excess energy in her body, he decided that the only solution was for her to control it, instead of letting _it_ control _her_.

And so, he had come up with the idea of the treadmill. All she had to do, he had told her, was jog at a steady, even pace for one hour. Her only goal was to not let her body increase its speed in order to burn off more energy. It was all about her being able to control all of that energy inside of her.

When he had first proposed the idea, she was more than skeptical and eventually voiced her doubts to him.

 _"Humor me,"_ was his response.

Figuring she had nothing to lose, she had gone along with his idea.

As it turned out, he was right. It all came down to her control, which, they quickly realized, she didn't have much of.

They had been at it almost daily for two and a half months, and she _still_ couldn't keep a steady pace for even an hour. She constantly had to be reminded to slow down. So far, the longest she had gone at an even pace with no reminders was 32 minutes. Any longer than that and she tended to lose focus, allowing her body to take over and increase its speed.

Frustration had set in quickly, and it only grew worse with each passing day. Frustration at herself for her lack of concentration and control. Frustration at Dr. Erskine for making her do this his way, instead of letting her handle it herself. But mostly, frustration at the man who had done this to her in the first place.

"Control."

Cursing softly, Clara checked her pace and slowed down before glancing at the clock on the wall in front of her.

6:53 P.M.

Seven more minutes and she would be done for the day. Relief washed over her even as a scowl settled on her face. That was three reminders in fifty three minutes which meant that, yet again, she had made no improvement.

A few minutes later, an alarm went off, and she immediately hopped off the treadmill and walked over to Dr. Erskine, who was writing down today's results. She leaned against his desk, fingers tapping lightly on the metal, and waited for him to finish.

After a few minutes, he finally set down the clipboard in order to hand her a small glass of liquid that looked eerily similar to urine.

Her mouth tightened as she took the glass from him.

"This is the same one as last time?" she asked, swirling the liquid around.

He nodded. "Same ingredients, but twice as potent. We'll see how long it lasts."

Not giving herself time to think about it, she quickly swallowed the liquid, grimacing at the bitter taste, before setting the glass back on his desk.

She looked up to see him staring at her with narrowed eyes, his gaze searching.

"What?" she asked, frowning.

"You've given up," he said simply.

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't think that the solutions will work," he said with a pointed look at the drinking glass, "And you aren't even _trying_ to learn control. If you were, you would have made some improvements by now."

He paused and shrugged before repeating, "You've given up."

Her jaw clenched, and she straightened, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I haven't _given up_. I just... don't have as much faith in these experiments as you do," she said before shaking her head. "We both know that no matter how potent you make the solutions, my body will burn it right off, just like it does with alcohol. And as for the whole 'control exercise'... all it does is make me more and more frustrated, and when I get frustrated, I get agitated. And when I'm agitated, it makes me jittery. It's counterproductive. I- it's too repetitive, doing the same thing day after day after day. My mind can't handle it... it's making me _worse_ , dammit!"

She sucked in a deep breath, running a hand through her hair and closing her eyes. She hadn't meant to go off on him like that. He, of all people, didn't deserve it, but everything she said was true. The past couple of weeks had been steadily shredding away any calmness and sanity that she had.

"You're right."

Clara blinked, looking over at Dr. Erskine, who was smiling apologetically.

"I know that monotony is definitely not a friend of yours, yet I forced you into it anyway," he said, running a weary hand over his face. "I believe that the both of us have been pushing ourselves too hard lately. I think we need take a small break from this issue and come back to it later with fresher eyes. And, as it happens, I have the perfect thing to take our minds off of it."

She raised a brow as he searched his desk for something.

"Aha!" he exclaimed, handing her a newspaper.

"What am I supposed to be looking at?" she questioned.

He pointed to the article at the bottom of the page which read, _"Modern Marvels of Tomorrow"_.

The name rang a bell, and it took her a moment to figure out why.

"Isn't this where Howard is doing some big presentation? The one that he won't stop talking about?"

Dr. Erskine grinned. "The very one. We are going to set up a recruitment center there, so that is where I will be for most of the day."

She looked up at him sharply. "You mean where _we_ are going to be for most of the day."

He waved his hand dismissively and sat down in his chair. "Of course, of course. Now, don't you have dinner plans or something? If you stand here any longer, you are going to be late."

" _Shit_ ," she said before running across the lab to grab her bag.

She threw the leather satchel over her shoulder and made her way to the door. Just as she opened it, Dr. Erskine spoke up.

"Clara," he called.

The serious tone in his voice instantly had her pausing, and she looked over at him with furrowed brows.

"Yes?"

"Just because we're taking a short break from your problem doesn't mean that we're not onto something. Control is the key. I know it is. Just remember that when your energy starts to become too much. Okay?"

"Okay," she said, nodding.

Then, with a quick smile and a goodbye, she was out the door.

* * *

The second Clara stepped into her small apartment, she was greeted by a slightly exasperated brunette.

"I don't know why we bother setting a time for dinner when you're always late," Peggy commented, watching with raised brows as Clara tossed her bag on the couch and rushed into her bedroom.

"I know, and I'm sorry," Clara called over her shoulder. She rummaged through her closet and yanked a random dress off a hanger. "I would say it won't happen again, but we both know that's not true."

As Peggy laughed, Clara stuck her head out the door. "Let me take a quick shower, then we can be on our way."

Peggy waved a hand and relaxed further into the couch. "Take your time. We're not in a rush."

Clara nodded and made her way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

Fifteen minutes later, she stepped out of the shower, dried off, and pulled on a plain navy blue dress. Looking in the mirror, she grimaced at the sight of her tired face. Dark circles stood out under her eyes, and her face looked tight with stress.

With a quiet sigh, she took a few minutes to stick some makeup on in order to look a little more put together. She then took one look at her long dark curls and piled them on her head before pinning them in place.

Once out of the bathroom, she stuck some small heels on and went into the living room.

Peggy looked up from the newspaper she had been reading and stood up, handing Clara her bag as she did.

"Ready?" Peggy asked.

"Yeah."

The two of them made their way out of the apartment building and walked over to a small diner just down the street that the two of them frequented. The bell chimed as they strolled in, and the owner, Fred Andrews, grinned and waved at them.

After a quick hello, they made their way to their usual booth in the corner and sat down. As Fred started cooking their usual orders, and Peggy started making idle chit chat, Clara felt the tension in her shoulders ease for the first time in days and smiled at her friend.

It was rare for her to feel this calm after a day at the lab, so she was going to enjoy it while it lasted.

* * *

 **I finally got out the first chapter! I apologize for the wait, but unfortunately, I usually take a while to update my stories:/**

 **Anyways, I want to thank everyone who has favorited and followed this story! And a special thank you to those of you who reviewed!**

 ** _queenbee014_ : I'm so happy that the prologue already grabbed your attention! After all, that _was_ my intention, so I'm glad that it worked lol.**

 _ **Rohirrim Girl**_ ** _2187_ : Maybe... I guess you'll just have to wait and find out ;)**

 ** _Moniquita2_ : Don't worry, I have absolutely no intention of abandoning this story! Like I said above, I tend to go a long time in between updates, so just bear with me!**

 **Also, just so you guys know, this fic is going to go through all of the Captain America movies and all of the Avengers movies, in chronological order, so first up is Captain America: The First Avenger!**

 **I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and don't forget to follow, favorite, or review:)**

 **Until next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel (obviously), all I own are my OCs**_

* * *

 **Chapter 2: The Recruit**

* * *

It wasn't a secret that Clara didn't like things that she couldn't control. She was the type of person to plan ahead and make sure that everything was done the way that she wanted. She thought of every situation, threat, and outcome everywhere she went. Some people called her paranoid. She called it staying alive.

But, if there was one thing that Clara couldn't control, it was crowds. They were loud, easily excitable, and annoyingly unpredictable. All it would take was one scream, one gunshot... anything really, to cause a panic. And in their panic, they would run for their lives, trampling each other in the process, and, inevitably, they would all run for the same exit, making escape nearly impossible. The bigger the crowds, the worse it was, and, thanks to Howard, this was one of the biggest crowds that Clara had ever seen.

The Modern Marvels of Tomorrow.

The Expo alone drew in a lot of people, but add Howard Stark, owner and CEO of Stark Industries and a notorious ladies' man, into the picture, and suddenly all of New York was up and rearing to go.

And because Dr. Erskine was incapable of passing up an opportunity like this, here she was, walking laps around the Armed Services Recruitment Center and keeping a sharp eye out for any suspicious people or activity. Three hours had passed with no incident, but still, she didn't let her guard down, not for a second. However, as relieved as she was that there appeared to be no threats, the hours of inactivity was taking its tole on her.

Tension had settled in the back of her neck, and her fingers tapped restlessly against her crossed arms. She was itching to _do_ something, other than patrolling and watching. She knew that she should be used to it by now, seeing as she had done this exact routine dozens of times, but it still made her agitated.

Someone bumped into her shoulder in their haste to get to their destination, and although she hardly budged and knew that it was just an accident, she couldn't stop her hand from darting into her coat and grasping the hilt of her sword.

"Sorry!" the young woman threw over her shoulder.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, Clara retracted her hand and smoothed her jacket back into place, concealing her weapon once more. The long, black overcoat wasn't her typical fashion choice, but it made her blend in with all of the other woman and that was all that mattered. After all, a young woman walking around in an army uniform with a katana strapped around her waist was something that would definitely draw unwanted attention.

With one last scan of the area, she decided to make her way back to the building and check in with Dr. Erskine to see if he had made any progress. Just like with every other recruitment center that they had set up, their goal was to find the perfect candidate for Project Rebirth, but so far, they hadn't had any luck. Dr. Erskine didn't let it show, but she knew that he was starting to become discouraged. Personally, she was relieved that they hadn't found anyone yet, and she hoped that they never would. Was it selfish of her for not wanting Project Rebirth to come to fruition after all of the hard work that everyone had put into it?

Perhaps.

But she knew firsthand what the super soldier serum did to the people that received it, and it was never good. Dr. Erskine assured her constantly that this time would be different. Between the serum actually being complete, and them finding the right person for it, there was no doubt in the scientist's mind that it would work, but that still didn't keep her from being wary.

As she stepped into the building, she shook off her thoughts and focused on finding Dr. Erskine. It only took a few minutes of searching before she saw him stepping out of an examination room, and she felt some of the tension in her neck ease immediately, just like it always did whenever she saw that he was alive and unharmed. The rational part of her brain knew that there was no threat here, and that she had no reason to worry. However, whenever she left his side, there was a part of her that always expected to find him dead or injured because she wasn't there to protect him.

"Any threats?" he asked as she stopped at his side.

"None," she answered. "Any candidates?"

He sighed. "Physically, there are many, but none of them have the right character, the right... heart."

She nodded in understanding. "We knew that it was going to be difficult to find the perfect person for the job, but it'll be worth it in the long run. This isn't something that you can rush, no matter how much Colonel Phillips wants you to. He doesn't understand the full effects of the serum, and how quickly it can go wrong."

"I know, and I am not rushing this," he assured. "I will keep searching for as long as I have to."

"Good," she murmured.

"But, that's enough of that," he said straightening. "I believe that Howard's presentaion is starting soon, so you best be going."

Her brows furrowed as she stared at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, you can't miss his big presentation!"

"Uh, yes I can," she said, quirking a brow.

He rolled his eyes exasperatedly. "Clara, you said yourself that there is no threat here, which means that I am perfectly fine to be left on my own for a while. And, although he may not admit it, you and I both know that it would mean a lot to Howard if you were there to support him, so go. Watch his presentation. Enjoy yourself."

Pressing her lips together, she stared at him with hard eyes. "Fine, I'll go watch it, _but_ you have to promise me that you will stay in this building the whole time and won't go wandering around by yourself."

He grinned triumphantly. "I promise, I promise. Now, go," he said, making shooing motions with his hands.

She rolled her eyes and spun around, making her way back out the door and into the crowd.

* * *

The closer that Clara got to the stage, the thicker the crowd became. As she was weaving in between people, trying to closer to the front, an obviously very drunk man crashed into her side, and since she was so focused on squeezing through the people, she didn't see it coming.

A small gasp escaped her lips as the man's full weight fell into her and sent her tumbling. She threw her hands out behind her to break the fall, but they never reached the ground. Instead, strong hands gripped her waist and lifted her up.

"Whoa, easy there, little lady."

She stiffened at the unfamiliar touch and spun around, yanking herself out of the strong grip. Dark brown eyes clashed with blue, and her lips immediately tightened at the laughter that she saw in those eyes. The man that had caught her was young, probably around her age, was dressed in an army uniform, and had an easy grin on his face that made his deep blue eyes light up with amusement.

"Sorry," she said stiffly, already turning away.

His grin widened. "There's no need to apologize. You can fall into my arms any day." With that, he threw a wink at her, causing the girls standing next to him to glare at her.

Anger lit up Clara's features. "Once was enough, thank you."

His eyes widened slightly, and she heard, what sounded like, a muffled laugh. Her eyes caught sight of a small, sickly looking young man. Once he realized that she was looking at him, his laughter subsided immediately, and his face flushed lightly.

Suddenly, music burst through the speakers as the presentation started, so she forced herself to turn around and walk away.

 _The nerve of that man,_ she thought angrily as she shoved her way to the front of the crowd, _Flirting with me even though he has two girls hanging off of his arms at this very moment._

"Ladies and gentlemen... Mr. Howard Stark!"

She managed to find a spot right in front of the stage, so she had a clear view as Howard made his way into the spotlight before pulling one of the showgirls up to him and kissing her swiftly.

 _Some things never change,_ she thought with a roll of her eyes.

As the showgirls went to stand off to the side, Howard looked out to the crowd, and when his eyes landed on Clara, a grin broke out across his face.

Sending a wink her way, he shifted his attention back to the cheering crowd.

"Ladies and gentleman, what if I told you that in just a few short years, your automobile won't even have to touch the ground at all..."

With that, the showgirls picked up the car's wheels and stepped aside, and Howard continued.

"With Stark Gravitic Reversion Technology, you'll be able to do just that," he said with a smug smile. Setting the microphone down, he turned a couple of knobs and pulled a lever, and everyone watched in absolute awe as the car rose from the stage and hovered a couple of feet above the ground.

Howard waved his hand toward the car with a flourish, and she let a small smile grace her features at the proud look on his face.

 _He finally did it._

No sooner had she thought the words when the car sputtered and fell to the stage in a shower of sparks. An awkward silence overtook the stage before the audience gave a half-hearted applause.

Howard turned back to the microphone with an embarrassed chuckle. "I did say a few years, didn't I?"

This time, the applause was genuine, and as the crowd started to disperse, Clara made her way up onto the stage. At the sound of her footsteps, Howard spun around and grinned.

"Do my eyes deceieve me, or is Clara Drake _actually_ here?" he asked, narrowing his eyes playfully.

"How could I possibly miss the grand presentation that you haven't stopped talking about for the past three months?" she said dryly. "Besides, if I didn't come, I would never hear the end of it, and you can be quite annoying when you want to be."

"Aw, there's the Clara that I know and love," he said, slinging an arm over her shoulders, "So bright and cheery."

She rolled her eyes at his antics. "Just stating the facts."

Shrugging his arm off, she stepped closer to the car and crossed her arms, fingers tapping against her bicep quickly.

"So, what went wrong with it?" she asked, inspecting the bright red car with curious eyes.

Silence.

She turned to Howard questioningly, only to find him staring at the movement of her fingers.

"It still isn't working?" he asked quietly, lifting his eyes up to hers.

She curled her hands into loose fists and shoved them into her coat pockets.

"It's no big deal," she said, looking away.

"Yes, it is," he said, brows furrowed. "Stop downplaying how bad it is."

"Dr. Erskine and I agreed to take a short break from the exercises," she said, ignoring him, "We'll go back to it later with fresh eyes."

He opened his mouth to argue, but she cut him off. "Speaking of which, I should get back to him. I'll see you later, Howard," she said before hopping off of the stage.

"You can't keep running away from the problem, Clara," he shouted after her, "Sooner or later, you're going to have to face it!"

His words hit her deep, but still, she kept walking.

* * *

By the time she reached the recruitment center, she had shaken off Howard's words and schooled her features into her usual calm mask.

The place was busier than it had been earlier, so it took her longer to find Dr. Erskine. As she walked through the halls, she ignored the strange looks that men sent her way. She supposed that for them it was more than a little odd to see a young woman wandering throughout the Armed Services Recruitment Center, looking as if she owned the place. But for her, it was normal. She had been in countless army facilities over the past three years, and received the same looks in every one.

The first time that she had ever stepped foot into a building full of soldiers, wearing her own army uniform, she had wanted to fight every single person that looked at her differently. She had wanted to prove that she was stronger than all of them, and that she deserved to be there just as much as they did.

But now she knew better. She knew to ignore the weird looks, the glares, the cruel words. Men like that didn't deserve any of her time or effort.

Let them look down on her. Let them underestimate her. She didn't have to prove anything to anyone.

She was broken out of her thoughts when she heard Dr. Erskine's German accented voice.

"Congratualtions, soldier."

She turned the corner just in time to see him hand a file to someone, and her eyebrows flew up when she saw that it was the young, scrawny blond man from earlier. He looked up from his file, and his eyes widened in recognition when he saw her. She quickly looked away, though, when Dr. Erskine passed by her. She followed him down the hall, and all it took was one look at his face for her to know what happened.

"He's the one?" she asked.

Dr. Erskine's answering smile said it all.

"Yes, he is the one."

* * *

 **Thank you so, so much to all of my new followers, and to everyone who has favorited this story! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if you did, don't be afraid to leave a review! They are always appreciated :)**

 **Until next time!**


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